Monday, August 17, 2009

The Right Man

First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. Second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it’s made on an emotional one. “What about love? Shouldn’t that be the third?” you ask. No, and I’ll tell you why. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jer.17:9). The heart is willful and it’s driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently-it just loves to love!

Therefore, you have to point it in the right directions: “Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Prov.4:23). Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage. Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship, and then marriage. Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together.

Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively-it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage. But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather facts:

1. Check out the fabric.
Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behaviour? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship.

Is your potential spouse a member of the same family- the family of God? Scripture is clear on this: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Cor. 6:14). You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together.

Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and you dream boat isn’t interested, don’t waste your time. Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he’s not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he’s not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.

2. Does this man want you?
Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God’s hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Prov.18:22). Note-Who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you.

In God’s perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam had no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You do not have to help out a guy because he is shy! Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want.

The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested. Many a woman’s mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it is actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: “We love him because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill.

You don’t need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself. You need only one man- your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me; the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man anytime. So, trust God’s timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmakers. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found.

Again, -WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you- this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first and they should lead the relationship.

3. Moving
The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands her needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.

4. Check out his buddies
Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man’s pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven’t seen yet. They reveal things about the guy’s character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don’t stay focused on the foot; check out the rest of his body!

5. Check out his relationship with his mother.
How does he treat her? This is a preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don’t like women, yet they say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.

6. Family
Remember that a man’s family reveals the cloth from which he’s cut. Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.

7. Check out patterns of his life
Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? Broken relationships? Problems in making commitments? Including the job market? Mood swings? Is a problem someone else’s fault? Does he embrace responsibly or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.

8. Vision
Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn’t need help until he is busy doing what he was created to do. Is the man in your life guided by a sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him?

A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person- and you will be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life. A man who has a vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it!

A man who can not be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever. Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the mothering burden of obligation he associates you with.

You want a man who is firmly anchored in his destiny in Christ. Remember you are looking for a man who will be priest and leader in his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to compliment.

9. Complimentarily
Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessings to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way? This is why knowing your spouse is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for a mutual cause. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complimentary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy new shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition.

If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong.

This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotionally, or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift you are? The man in your life should consider you as a rare find, a priceless jewel because of you he is getting ready to be blesses big-time!

Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable, or that you have to work for love is too expensive! God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.

10. Self acceptance
Does he have a healthy love and acceptance of himself? Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will care for you.

A man’s relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something you can impart. You can not be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order.

In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to Christ, the relationship is too expensive.

Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can’t soar in the spirit, when the force of your love for one another is tested by the pull of gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive.

So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all other to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man?

Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for the hand that they desired. The truth of the matter is everyone knows that anything worth having, costs. And no one gets a ride in this life for free.

Friday, August 14, 2009

A fleeting dream.

A fleeting dream.

I have been a girl searching for her dream,
Searching for a friend,
Searching for the love of my life,
Searching for treasures,
That I believe may have been hidden
In a mountain, at is base, which has purple flowers.
But keep wandering, round and round in circles.
I despair, I give up, I fall but I rise again.
I rise because
When history will be written they will say,
‘She fell a million times and a million times she rose’.
I run till my feet hurt.
I cry till there no more tears to cry.
I pray till the saints cram
My every word of prayer.
I will beg God,
Because one day,
He will surely listen!
He will surely answer!
And I will smile,
A smile brighter than the rising sun.
I will dance,
a dance more charming than the wide sea.
I will sing,
A song sweeter than that of the cherubim.
I will shine,
Brighter than the moon.
I will clap, harder than striking thunder.
I will praise, sweeter than any singing bird.
I hold on to the dream.
I grasp it even though it will be slippery
I grab it!
Even though it flee from me.
I keep faith,
I keep hope,
I press on
Because that day will surely come.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Sparkling Eyes

You have these beautiful eyes
They sparkle, they smile,
With a calming presence
With a stealing beauty
With a secret charm
With a maddening artistic touch
God must have painted them
In a million ways that I couldn’t
Stunning they are
Beautiful they are
Oh what beauty there is in your eyes!

Hear the cry of Anna.

When you mention child issues I can’t help but think of my cousin’s child called Anna. Now Anna is 11 years old, she has a twin brother called Dennis. A few weeks after they were born, Anna’s mum, Francisca, noticed that Dennis was a bit slow and did not respond to different stimuli as fast as Anna. He did not kick in the air the way little babies do. He did not notice light as fast, and mostly he never cried. It turned out that Dennis is retarded. Sometimes I think he has bipolar disorder as well, because he takes a drug called Tegretol. Once in a while he would get epileptic feats. As it turned out, Francisca’s husband disowned them. He believed that Dennis’ condition must be genetic and must have been inherited from Francisca’s lineage.

On a normal day, Dennis takes his drugs three times a day, which have to be mixed in his food because he has kind of gotten tired of taking the pills. If he does not take his pills he gets epileptic fits. At the age of 11 he has to be taken to the toilet otherwise he will wet his pants. He can not make a real conversation and most of the time he spends with his grandmother at Thika market, around 40kms from the Nairobi city, where his grandmother sells carrots to earn a living.

Meanwhile Francisca has moved to Nairobi to do casual jobs in horticultural centers. At these centers she works to pack different kind of vegetables. If she gets lucky and lands a job in a day she will get between Ksh.100-300 (estimated US$1.5-2) per day. Francisca can not fully support her family because she has no permanent job. Her highest level of education was up to high school. This makes it hard to land a job in a City like Nairobi which has thousands of jobless university graduates.

For this reason, Francisca’s children, Anna and Dennis, will continue to live with their grandmother. As it is Anna is already 11 years old but she can not even read the entire alphabet. Why? Because she has taken into being a mother for her retarded brother, she cooks, she cleans, she baby sits him, which leaves no room for extra studies. Even when she goes to school she can not concentrate because she has this heavy burden weighing on her mind; her twin brother.

One Sunday afternoon, it is said, that Anna had contemplated suicide. She was found near a river close to home by one of the neighbors trying to dive in. She was crying beyond consolation, but the neighbors took her home.

May be there will never be a chance for Dennis to go to school in his condition, but I feel Anna should be given a chance. Once she is educated and lands a job, she could take care of her brother or hire a professional nurse. But if Anna does not go to school, her future is already dark as it is. On the other side someone willing to take Francisca to acquire more skills to get a decent job, could change their life.

There is a lot of distress in living with a child with special need, especially if that child is your sibling. May be now more than ever Anna needs counseling. She needs to understand that it is not her fault that her brother is sick. To understand that it is not her fault that their father left. To understand that it is not her fault that they are poor. Because when all this is done, may be she will believe in her self. Then her confidence will change they way she studies. Then they way she studies will change the world. And she will be another Eunice Kennedy Shriver, the younger sister of former U.S. President John F. Kennedy and founder of the Special Olympics. Shriver helped found the Special Olympics in the 1960s. Now, more than 1 million athletes in more than 160 countries participate in Special Olympics and meet each year. Or may be she will champion her own cause. And if she doesn’t at least she will be able to change her destiny and that of her special twin brother, whom the world passes unnoticed. Whose dreams may never be captured because we can not understand his language. Whose talents we may never recognize because he was too slow, and the world was moving too fast, because there was no time to notice if he had any talent.

My journeys in Books

My journeys in Books

In my greatest journeys and in my moments of solitude, I have carried a book. Why? To keep me company, to make me travel roads that I never would have. To meet a person I have never met. To laugh at my mistakes and the mistakes of others, to play with snow, which in real life I have never touched. In books I have met handsome men, I have been told stories of great heroes like Lwanda Magere. I have learnt how sign language is a deeply intimate talk. I have met people who share my dreams, who love adventure, people who would want a kiss of heaven.

Every time I pass a street with book shops I can not help but stare. I judge books by their covers, even when I know I should not. I judge books by their writers, even when I know that I can find a remarkable writer, that I have never heard of, and is neither famous. I judge the books by their colours, because they matter, because red catches my attention. I have been told that men are attracted to colour red. Does this mean I have guy instincts?

Big words, I have learnt from books. Not because I intend to use them, but because I want to know what someone says to me when they use those big words. I have climbed a hill in a book; I have smiled at a child in a book. I have saved a day in a book; I have hugged my worst enemy and betrayed my best friend in a book. I have loved that could not love me back in a book. I have met an angel, I have kissed heaven, I have seen God and talked to St. Michael in a book. Because in a book am a free person, am not tied to culture, my gorgeous looks can pass unnoticed like that beggar in a street.

I laugh, I cry, I sit, I watch, I contemplate, I meditate, I pray, I wish, I desire, I long, all these in a book. In a book I have met people who could not write, but because of them great stories were written. I have met men who loved women who couldn’t stay, but they loved them any way, because that’s the only way they new how. Am told severally, love genuinely and deeply because it is the only way to live.

In a book I have met a mystery that I left unsolved, because I believed it did not belong to me. In another I took the challenge because I believed it was meant for me. I have traveled a thousand miles in a second. I have grasped the whole universe in the palm of my hand. I have sung like and angel, even though I know I croak like a toad, and make a joyful noise in the name of singing. This is what makes a book interesting. It teaches you how to hold on and to let go. To fight when you know you will win the battle, and lose the war. To hold your head high, even when you know in the next second, the whole world will crumble before you. A book has taught me to believe, even when all faith is gone, to believe without the promise of tomorrow. That’s a book, all in one.

I have read a book to grasp what mathematics is, to juggle with formulas, that sometimes, honestly, I do not know an instance that I will need to apply them. I have read a book to fly with a pilot to see what she sees when she is up in the clouds. To dress a wound of a patient just like a nurse. I have moved to spread the gospel just like the evangelist, to meet humors people and comedians. Who would I be, if I did not know how to laugh? If I did not know how to walk in the foot steps of a model and see their glamour? To meet a shepherd and learn how he talks to his sheep. I have traveled a lot in books, and in those stories, I did not write because, I thought I did not know how.

A farmer I met once, in a book, who taught me how to grow melons and I hanged on because it was my son’s favourite fruit. I sat with a girl who wanted to have a normal father-daughter relationship in a book. I met a lady who fought the world to save her marriage in a book. I met a boy who drank his poor soul to death in a book. I can’t help but wonder why all of a sudden I am obsessed in books. Or may be it is written. On 12th August 2009, a beautiful girl, in the heart of Nairobi, seating in front of a computer became obsessed in books and started writing.